Photo by Olayinka Babalola on Unsplash
I was raised in a devout catholic home. You know, those ones where Sunday masses were an absolute must. Where you weren't allowed to swear, curse and you were supposed to obey the commandments, not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain and all those other fun stuff 😉
A typical black or white upbringing with very little shades of greys. Don't get me wrong though, I believe there were quite a few advantages to this lifestyle for example, I credit my moral soundness to it.
However, one thing I subconsciously picked up from it was the fact that I always felt like I was morally better than others - a purely personal point of view. Yes, I might not have out rightly admitted it but there was always this hidden moral superiority complex over those who didn't practice my religion or any religion for that matter.
No surprise at all at my reaction when one of my secondary school classmates got pregnant and had to drop out - 'See, I thought, that's what happens when you don't keep the commandments'.
Or when one of my senior friends got a divorce and ended up a single mum of 3 children -"What a shame, thought little human me, how could she get a divorce, couldn't she have done everything possible to keep her marriage going?"
So here I am now all grown up and with so many humbling and embarrassing experiences of my own saying I don't judge anyone and here are my reasons why :
1.) I'm the most imperfect human being I know - Honestly, how dare I judge anyone? When I err with every other thought, action or deed? By simply being me, I make mistakes so how dare I? With the best of intentions I fall so really - Who am I to judge, when I'm so flawed, so imperfect?
2.) Life happens - Ever heard the saying - bad things happen to good people? What a profound statement! Going back to my classmate who got pregnant, turns out that she had been dating her boyfriend for awhile and they'd been celibate. Then he started to pressure her and her 1st time of having sex got her pregnant - how unfortunate.
Instead of judging her, little naive me, should have been the one assuring her that she was going to be ok - yes she'd not planned to be a mum at such a tender age but she was going to be just fine, besides every child is a blessing - Extend love not judgment.
3.) Life is not just black or white it is full of many different shades of colours - The reasons why people do what they do varies from person to person. Get the full picture before making up your mind. In my second example, my friend in question didn't want a divorce.
In fact she did everything to prevent it especially for the sake of her kids but her husband was hell bent on a divorce. Apparently, he had found his 'real soulmate' and was dead set on marrying her and my friend was standing in the way of his happiness.
So no pleading, no mediating from both families could have done anything to save her marriage. She just found herself dealing with unfortunate circumstances beyond her control. Get the full picture and learn to give others the benefit of the doubt before you do.
4.) Extend mercy and kindness as you'd want mercy and kindness extended to you - In my humbling, embarrassing and sometimes even shameful life experiences, I always wish that if people ever got to find out, they will show me mercy and not mock or laugh at me. Yeah, that would be nice wouldn't it, so why not extend that same courtesy to others? Remember to do unto others what you'll like done unto you.
Thanks so much for reading. Wishing you all the Love and Happiness you deserve xoxo
Oh by the way, I still don't swear or curse 😊( Purely personal). Don't worry not judging you if you do 😉 😉